A Hermit, a Dragon, and a Choice
Dragons Can be Beaten — An Advent Story Ep 4
The first episode of this story can be found here.
Spotify podcast episode can be found here 👇
There was still one teacher to learn from before I confronted the dragon, but he was already walking with me as we took strides down a path lined with high Kentucky Bluegrass. This was the Teacher of Perseverance, who had turned out to be Thomas Merton, the famous Catholic writer who had spent most of his later life as a Monk at the Trappist monastery of Gethsemane in Kentucky. Whereas the Teacher of Integrity, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, had been somewhat reserved and underspoken, Merton was extrovertive and gregarious.
“So,” he said to me, “I gather that for you, the Teacher of Hope was Julian of Norwich? She is, without a doubt, one of the most wonderful of all Christian voices. Her understanding of the long hope and the dynamic nature of a healthy Christian faith was of great help to me. Dietrich, likewise, is a superb Teacher of Integrity. He lived in a time and culture where the virtues of Hate and racism and violence were held up as the ultimate good of Humanity. He would not be swayed from following the moral demands of Christ to love all around him — even those society hated. He lost everything for his resistance but never lost Jesus.”
As we walked through a field, we passed another burned-out thatched-roof cottage. I remarked, “I see the dragon has been here, wreaking more havoc.” Merton looked at me. “Why do you assume that’s the work of the dragon?” “Well,” I said, “It’s a… dragon…. and they breathe fire… and most people say they attack and eat people….” “Have you seen this dragon attack people?” “Well, no — I haven’t.” “Has anyone here told you they saw the dragon do this?” “Well…. no.”
We stopped, and he cocked his head to the side, “I’m here with you as your teacher of perseverance, so let me put this in context.” We started to walk again, a little slower, as Merton gestured and spoke. “In the same way Dietrich felt strangely amused by his choice as your teacher of Integrity, I’m amused to be that of perseverance. “ He smiled. “I was a difficult person to live with — raised in an upper-crust family. I was very privileged but always searching for something. Joining the monastery was as much running away as a religious epiphany. At times I locked horns with my brother monks, the abbot, and just about everyone else I could. My eventual vocation as a hermit was as much a relief to the community as it was to me. My perseverance certainly wasn’t in my vow of obedience.”
“I once had a long correspondence with Dorothy Day, the founder of the Catholic Workers Movement. She complimented me on my perseverance and worried I might leave the monastery. It got me thinking on that subject, and I believe that perseverance is not hanging onto some course we have set our minds to and refusing to let go. That doesn’t reflect the divine nature of hope at all. As Julian taught you, hope is from God and not from us. True perseverance is not holding onto our cherished notions and self-identity but letting go, which is truly terrifying. It is falling through an emptiness and allowing ourselves to be caught by God.” “How does this relate to the dragon? Did the dragon do all… this?” I gestured to the burned cottages. “I can’t tell you whether this is the work of the dragon or not. This is YOUR time in faerie, and truthfully, only you know the answer.” He ran his hand over his head, “I can only tell you that it was cherished preconceived notions about sin that caused the crisis of faith for Julian, and it was preconceived notions about race that Bonhoeffer had to overcome in the church in Harlem. The perseverance of the saints is not about a tightening grip on our beliefs; it’s about giving up the need for that tight grip. Well, and here we are!”
We had reached the edge of the field and stood before a cave opening into a large hill. A dull, red glow emanated from the cave mouth. “This is the end of your quest, sir. The dragon can be found within.” My mind whirled in some confusion and a lot of fearful anticipation. I drew the sword of truth, and held it out for Merton. He laid his hands upon it and said, “May you be blessed with the perseverance of the saints — may you know when it’s time to let go.” I had been hoping for something a little more militaristic, seeing that I was going in to fight a dragon, but still, I thanked him. He turned and headed back across the field. I took a deep breath and stepped into the cave.
The whole place was suffused by the dull, red glow I had seen from outside — it emanated from everywhere and nowhere all at once. The smell of brimstone was overpowering, and the cave was unnaturally warm. As I moved further, it became even warmer — I was approaching the dragon. I started passing discarded pieces of armor and weapons. All blackened with fire. This was not particularly reassuring. Eventually, I became aware of the sound of loud, regular breathing — along with an occasional snore. I turned around the bend of a tunnel into an enormous cavern, and there he was.
The dragon was majestic — massive and covered with armored red and gold scales. I suspected that his wingspan must have been something like fifty feet when he was aloft. But for now, the dragon was curled up, asleep, with his head near me. As he exhaled, smoke curled from his nostrils, and the temperature of the cavern pulsed with his breath. This was my chance — I could be rid of the dragon once and for all!
I raised the sword Veritas above me, point down, and moved forward until I stood over the dragon’s head. I must strike firmly and swiftly before he awakes! Yet, I hesitated. Thomas had disturbed me. I closed my eyes for a moment and prayed for guidance. I opened them again and saw that veritas shone with a golden hue. Three beams radiated from the sword’s pommel and formed themselves into the figures of Julian, Dietrich, and Thomas. “Ah,” I thought, “Are we really gonna do the Star Wars force ghost thing?” The figure of Julian said, “Hope is from God, and not from within us.” Dietrich said, “Integrity is following the way of Christ, even when costly.” Thomas said, “Perseverance is giving up our preconceptions and being open to God in the moment.” The beams winked out, and my teachers disappeared. “Well?” said a profoundly gravelly bass voice from below me, “Are you going to strike or not?” I looked down — the dragon had opened one yellow serpentine eye, which was fixed on me. “If you’re going to do it, make it swift and true.”
Time seemed to stand still as the dragon and I looked eye to eye, and veritas trembled in my hands over the dragons head. Then, ever so slowly, I turned the sword to the side, held it in my palms, bent down and laid it on the ground in front of the dragon. “I COULD strike,” I said, straightening up, “But I have learned that if I treat my anxieties and fears as a series of enemies to destroy, there will always be a bigger boss in the next cavern. You’re here because I thought I needed an enemy to defeat to keep my world in the order I wanted. But maybe the world doesn’t need to be in my order. Maybe Hope, Integrity, and Perseverance are virtues that tell me the dragons are of my own making.”
The dragon raised his head and regarded me. Had I made a horrible mistake? He laughed, a gravelly, low laugh. “Well,” he said, “what do you think, good Sir Knight?” From a dark alcove to my right, the knight from the town stepped forward and said, “You have chosen….wisely.” I looked at the blackened armor and weapons lying around the cavern. The knight said, “They chose…. poorly. You can’t ultimately slay the dragon; you can only confront it.” “But does that mean it’s not worth struggling for things like justice?” “By no means!” said the knight, bending down and retrieving the sword. “Real injustice and mistreatment of others must always be confronted, but for the right reasons. We confront injustice because our hope is from God, who brings down the mighty and exalts the lowly. It is all too easy for us to become tricked into being manipulated by our own prejudices and hurts. That only leads to us fighting the wrong battles and continually attempting to slay dragons of our own making. We cannot win that fight.”
The dragon grinned at me — a pretty disturbing, toothy grin. “You’ll never get rid of me, you know.” “I know,” I said. “But maybe I don’t have to give you so much power.” The dragon inclined his head in a slight bow, “A worthy opponent.” “More like a frenemy.” The knight said, “You have received the blessings of Hope, Integrity, and Perseverance, and you have wielded truth in mercy. Your quest is at an end.” He used the tip of the sword to trace a rectangle in the air. It filled with the form of a printed page. It was the sign from the bookseller’s that said,
”Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
The knight lifted a gauntleted hand in farewell, and he, the cave, and the dragon faded to be replaced with the rest of my familiar city around me and the sign in the middle of a holiday book display in the bookseller’s window.
It was still the cold, crisp night on which I had left my bed in sleeplessness. I said, “Dragons can be beaten indeed, but only by being merciful to ourselves.” I turned and walked toward home.
The Rev. David Simmons, ObJN is the Pastor of St. Matthias Episcopal Church and First Presbyterian Church, Waukesha. He is an Oblate of and confessor to the Order of Julian of Norwich, and was a Dungeon Master for years before he became a Christian.
A Hermit, a Dragon, and a Choice was originally published in Preaching from the Rood Screen on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.